Black Friday is as American as unlimited refills and lighting fireworks in your backyard. From bloody noses to broken bones, it has a well-earned nasty reputation. But the Black Friday of my youth is long gone — and while I can’t say I miss it exactly, I’m wistful for the crowded chaos that only the pre-online shopping days could create.
You won’t catch me out shopping this Black Friday, and maybe my reasons for staying at home will persuade you to join me.
The "Deals" Aren't That Impressive, Anymore
Black Friday circa ’03 was an impressive sight to behold. There was none of this “get 20% off” an item or a few hundred dollars off a sound system. No, the Golden Days of Black Friday had the latest tech drop for cents on the dollar in comparison to their regular prices.
Perhaps you’ve forgotten (or never knew) how unaffordable and luxurious technology once was. Black Friday gave people a chance to get something they never would have been able to on any other day of the year.
And today? Black Friday deals are a joke. I bought my first laptop for nearly $1,000 off on Black Friday around 2011, and you’d never see an Xbox drop that much nowadays.
Simply, today’s Black Friday can’t fool me. I know what a good deal looks like — I lived through it — and today’s stuff certainly isn’t that.
I'm Tempted to Buy Things I Don't Need
The curse of Black Friday shopping is that we’re still animals at heart — we see a fun little trinket and our hearts say, “I need it.” American retailers know exactly how to grab my attention and convince me that this winter, I am going to be a knee-high boot person, despite having lived in ankle boots for well over a decade.
Black Friday is all fun and games until that buyer’s remorse hits harder than any hangover the following week. It’s so much easier to resist a website’s prompting than trying to keep my little fingers off of the stuff right in front of me.
Black Friday Deals Last Longer Than Ever
In the early 2000s, Black Friday started around 3 a.m.- 4 a.m. and lasted all day long, no earlier or later. Just like with midnight book releases or film premieres, there was something magical about nabbing a truly once-in-a-year deal.
Nowadays, Black Friday deals start weeks in advance and last a few days after the iconic Friday is over. Why wait to roll your Thanksgiving food-laden self out of your bed and onto the streets when you can get what you want two weeks beforehand?
Related: Fun & Meaningful Things to Do on Black Friday Besides Shopping
I Don't Want to Be Around That Many People
The holidays are filled with family and friends, which can be lovely… up to a point. I’m ready to tap out just a few hours in, and nothing about surrounding myself with sick, tired, angry crowds sounds like fun. I’m usually exhausted after Thanksgiving and am not in the mood for pushing, shoving, and adults snapping at their kids.
Honestly, it’s more for other people’s benefit than my own. I’m one shove away from losing all sense of Southern decorum, so it’s best if I take myself out of the equation.
There's No Guarantee That I'll Get What I Want
One of the ugly sides to Black Friday shopping is not getting the one thing you were there for. My father, when working at the long-dead Circuit City decades ago, attests to the animalistic frenzy people would exhibit when employees would dole out tickets to flat screens, DVD players, automotive sound systems, and more.
As an adult, I just can’t see the logic in surrounding myself with people’s generally unhappy energy (nothing brings out American aggression like capitalist fury) without a guarantee I’ll get the item I’m looking for.
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It Doesn't Give Me the Same Rush It Used To
Black Friday used to be an event, equal almost to opening presents on Christmas morning. We’d head to school that Monday desperate to hear other people’s wildest stories about the day. We’d recount each accident, fight, or deal with barely-contained excitement.
Black Friday stories were like currency — the better the story, the more you were worth that day at school. My father had witnessed quite a many fist fights, people’s noses broken on DVD displays, people nearly crushed in the stampede that flew through the doors when they finally opened, and so much more.
The carnage was, at times, unbelievable. And I — whether good or bad — couldn’t get enough of it. Unfortunately, this Black Friday, my friends won’t have any tales to tell, and neither will I.
The Black Friday I Know & Love Is Dead
Online shopping and capitalism milking a money-making opportunity for weeks in advance killed Black Friday, and as it stands right now, it’s never coming back. I didn’t relish the Black Friday experience when I was younger, and knowing what I know now, I wish I had. Whatever’s going on the Friday after Thanksgiving this year isn’t my Black Friday, and I won’t pretend that it is.
