I'm Almost 60: These Are the 'Rules' I've Chosen to Ignore

My husband likes to joke that I am demand-resistant. I do not now, nor have I ever liked to be told what to do. But, as someone who grew up in the 70s and early 80s, I grew up in a time where I was expected to be seen and not heard. Orderly. Selfless. 

I just turned 59. I'm in the sunset of my 50s and barrelling down on my 60s. And getting here, I've broken so many 'rules.' I have zero regrets.  

When I first went to college, I wanted to be an occupational therapist. In the first quarter of freshman year, I took a health sciences class and had to do a lab testing on spit, snot, and pee. Thus ended my occupational therapy career.

By the time I left school, I'd cycled through six or seven majors, never settling on one because it was all so interesting. In my 20s, every job I had was one I thought I could make into a career. But then something more interesting came along. And I've done that pretty much ever since.

I am a person with diverse experiences and a lot of interests. And it has made my life interesting and fun. I dive into new things with passion, and in giving it my all, I learn a lot. 

If I'd stuck to the advice that I got in high school — to choose something and stay with it forever — I suspect I'd be a poor, unhappy soul. Instead, I've been able to do all sorts of things and have all sorts of experiences that I'd never have had otherwise. And I've always made a living just fine. I have no regrets. 

It's okay to cut your losses. If something no longer serves you or if it isn't working out in your favor, choose something different — no matter how much time and effort you've already expended. People waste a ton of time and effort believing the sunk cost fallacy. Sometimes, things don't work out. And I've discovered that stubbornly sticking to it is a recipe for misery (and often, it doesn't serve whomever you're doing it for, either). 

No decision should be one that you're stuck with for the rest of your life. I believe in regularly re-evaluating and seeing how it's going. The sooner you realize something isn't working for you and make a shift, the better off you'll be. Sure, have integrity and keep your word as much as you can. But if it doesn't work out? Apologize and move on to something that will. Stay flexible, and your life will be happier. 

How does someone my age even actually act? Is having fun not acting my age? I have so many questions. In fact, so many that I've come to realize this phrase is absolute nonsense. 

When we were kids, we proudly proclaimed our age. But I've known ton of women who have never admitted how old they are, and frankly, it doesn't matter. Age is nothing other than how many trips you've made around the sun. I've been out and proud about my age since I was old enough to hold up two fingers, and I'm not going to stop now. If that makes me not a lady, I'm absolutely okay with that. 

Oh gosh — I can still hear it ringing in my ears, "Cleanliness is next to godliness." 

Look, most of the time, my house isn't a pigsty because I feel more at peace and happier living in a space that feels clean, neat, and manageable. But I also have a busy life and always have. I raised kids. I tend to have lots of pets at once. I've always worked full-time and had a ton of side hustles and hobbies. 

So, there have been times when my house has been in delightful chaos. Sure, I clean up, but making my floors spotless every night before I go to bed and again when I get up in the morning isn't on my agenda. I'll clean up after myself, but not to the detriment of spending time with the people and things I love. I've found a balance that works for me, and you should, too. How you clean your house is nobody else's business, and I'm guessing God doesn't really care either.

What does that even mean, really? If I'm this age, and this is how I dress, then I'm dressing my age. K? K. 

I'm not sure why we think there's shame in looking our age. I recently decided to go gray, and I'm thrilled with the results. And sure, I love a good serum as much as the next person, but I've earned every line on my face. I look how I look, and I'm perfectly happy with it. 

Honestly, I broke this one by the time I was 22. It was about that age when I married a cheater. I was about 23 when I divorced him because I deserve better than that. I was about 26 when I married another cheater. Well, you probably know how that went...

Some relationships aren't worth making work, whether it's a marriage, a romance, or a friendship. Know when to cut your losses, and respect yourself enough to do it. Your life will be a lot happier for it.

Related: What to Say When You Want to Break Up: Classy & Kind Options

Yeah, no. I embraced my bare face years ago, and I'm perfectly happy with how I look. 

Nope. No I'm not. 

I believed this for so many years. Back in the 80s, I was a workout warrior, and I was always on a diet. Because slimness, much like cleanliness, was next to godliness.

Except it isn't. I've been fat and I've been thin, and I've been everywhere in between. And I was so caught up in chasing unrealistic expectations of skinny that I regularly tortured my body to the point of injury at the gym, and I developed an eating disorder. None of it made me any happier.

I've found I'm happiest when I view my body with compassion, no matter what size it is. I'm at my best when I move in gentle ways that make my body feel good and when I eat foods that nourish me, no matter how many calories, carbs, or grams of fat they have. 

As a lifelong learner, new tricks are kinda my thing. Learning new stuff keeps me engaged, it's fun, and I can't imagine ever stopping. I have a brain, and I'm going to use it for as long as it works for me.

Reformed people pleaser here — or mostly reformed. I can still feel the old patterns kicking in from time to time. But the truth is that if I put everyone else's needs ahead of mine, I burn out fast and become a shell of myself.

It's all about balance. I have a ton of empathy and compassion for others, and I want to make them happy. But I also need to have the same level of compassion for myself. And so, I put my needs first a lot of the time, and sometimes, when the occasion calls for it (like when I was parenting my kids or when someone is in crisis), their needs come first. 

I don't know who 'they' are or why my sweat is so offensive to them. But what I do know is that when I'm stressed, it's okay to reach out to people for support and help. I'm sure they'll forgive me for being human. 

Just nope. These are the best days of my life because I'm making sure they are.

What a horrible thing we do to young people, telling them this is the best it will ever be. Any time of your life can be great. And really, who wants to peak in high school? 

Life can certainly be challenging and difficult things happen. But life doesn't have to be hard all the time. Yep — I've had plenty of difficult times. And I've found myself challenged over and over again. But every challenge is an opportunity, and I've discovered I have the resilience to get through anything life throws at me and come out on the other side stronger, wiser, and happier. 

I try to be nice to everyone. But there are times when nice no longer works. I still try to be diplomatic, polite, and as kind as I can. But I've come to realize that no is a complete sentence, I don't need to please everyone, my boundaries are important, and if someone is awful, I don't have to engage. I always try to do it with some class and dignity because that's important to me, but I don't have to smile nicely and take it. Ever.

I've spent a lot of my time trying to follow societal expectations, and I've found that it seldom makes me happy. But the longer I've lived my life, the more I've come to realize that most of the "rules" I thought were so important just don't serve me well, and they keep me from being happy.

So instead, I try to follow my own set of guidelines that fit with my integrity (I can't even bring myself to call them rules): Treat everyone (including myself) with compassion and kindness. Try to see the good in people and events. Greet life with optimism. Learn new stuff every day. Take care of my body, mind, and spirit. Be open to new thoughts and ideas. Try to see where other people are coming from. Give others grace, recognizing that their filters, background, and other factors have shaped who they are, and just like me, they're entitled to be who they are and seek happiness the way that they want to. 

It's your life. Find things that work for you. You've totally got this.