Are you continually attracted to individuals that are astrologically incompatible with you? Individuals who push your buttons or drive you crazy? If so, I'm sure you'll agree that being attracted to someone and falling in love is unpredictable. Attraction and love seem to have their own rhyme, reason, and wisdom, which has little to do with conscious choice or compatibility.
Incompatibility Begins With Your Birth Chart
Every person's birth chart has an interlocking pattern in which some factors operate in harmony, while others form contradictory and conflicting inner needs and drives. These are revealed by the planets in signs and the aspects they make to one another. From an astrologer's point of view, the primary factor as to why individuals are attracted to incompatible signs is the unconscious desire to work out the personality or psychological issues that are spelled out by the conflicting needs seen in their own birth chart.
Relationships Are Mirrors
Your relationships, particularly your intimate relationships, mirror your inner conflicts. When you have a war within, you're unconsciously attracted to individuals who will take up that battle with you. You should also remember that when planets occupying incompatible signs are connected in astrological synastry, it's a two-way street. "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear" is a key concept to keep in mind when considering why incompatible signs are attracted to one another.
Inner Conflicts
The three examples below illustrate why individuals are attracted to incompatible signs. However, there are many different conflicting inner needs and drives that are seen in the charts of different individuals. These conflicts are represented by planets that aspect one another by a square, quincunx, opposition, or conjunction. Anytime you see one of these aspects in your birth chart, it can cause relationship difficulties, some very painful when triggered by planets in a partner's chart.
Elemental Imbalance
Individuals are often attracted to partners who abound in the element missing from their birth chart. For instance, water and fire are considered incompatible, but an individual with a preponderance of water sign placements (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces) in their chart, will be attracted to someone who has predominately fire sign placements (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius) and vice versa.
The Lesson
The lesson is for each to learn from the qualities modeled by the other. In the example above, the watery person is learning to be more outgoing and self-expressive, while the fiery individual is learning to be more caring and nurturing.
Attracted to What You Disown
Individuals also have a tendency to disown qualities they don't like about themselves. However, in not naming and owning these aspects of their personality, they become attracted to partners who will act out the part.
An Aries/Scorpio Quincunx
Aries and Scorpio are in a quincunx aspect, which means they are very incompatible. But suppose a person has Sun, Mercury, Moon, and Ascendant all in Aries but Mars in Scorpio. This reveals an inner disconnect. This person may identify completely with impulsive, free-wheeling, "don't tie me down" Aries and disown what they really don't like or understand about themselves; the suspicious, controlling, and obsessive way they act in intimate relationships.
Mars in Scorpio
Mars in Scorpio has an extraordinarily suspicious, possessive and controlling nature, especially in romantic relationships. This is a big turn off for an individual with so much Aries energy. Yet, they are continually attracted to crisis-prone relationships with individuals who have significant placements in Scorpio. Of course, the sex will be great. Still, their lovers will act out the jealousy, manipulation, obsessions, and possessiveness that's inherent in Scorpio.
The Lesson
This individual is learning to recognize, accept, adjust to, and own their Scorpio need for the intimacy and closeness of an all-consuming relationship. And to learn positive ways to have the intense relationships their Venus and Mars in Scorpio crave.
A Virgo/Sagittarius Square
Virgo and Sagittarius are considered incompatible. However, suppose you're a Virgo with Saturn conjunct your Sun and Mars in Sagittarius opposite your Sun/Saturn.
Sun Conjunct Saturn in Virgo
Sun/Saturn in Virgo indicates a person who fears (Saturn) not being a neat, tidy, practical, methodical, hardworking, and disciplined person (Virgo). They are prone to keep their nose to the grindstone and freak out if there's the slightest disorder or disruption to their routines.
Mars in Sagittarius
However, with Mars in Sagittarius opposite their Virgo Sun/Saturn, they also lack motivation and have a repressed desire to kick up their heels, be adventurous, and forgo responsibility. If this person has denied the needs of their Mars, they're likely to be swept off your feet by a slap-happy, carefree, and messy individual with significant Sagittarius placements.
The Lesson
This person is learning to embrace and accept their own restless desire for adventure, incorporate it into their lives, understand that it's okay to joke around, and have a bit of chaos in their life.
Romantic Soulmates and Incompatibility
Often when you think of a soul mate, you imagine a blissful and perfect love that lasts a lifetime. However, soulmate relationships are most often demanding, challenging, painful, intense, haunting, addictive, passionate, and life-changing. Soulmates begin their relationship because of their compatibilities but are subconsciously attracted to one another because of their incompatibilities. Soulmates are people who have come into your life to teach you a lesson. They don't necessarily teach you intentionally; instead, they provide challenging situations in your life that you're meant to overcome and learn from.
Incompatibilities Promote Growth
The bottom line is, there is any number of reasons, both astrological and earthly, why you could be attracted to someone with seemingly incompatible astrological signs. However, when you find yourself attracted to a person that pushes your button or makes you crazy, look beyond your immediate feelings and instinctive reaction, and consider that this individual is providing you with an opportunity for growth and be thankful.
