If you've recently had a breakup and a change of heart, it's natural to wonder how to get a Virgo man back. Whether you can win him back depends on many factors, such as both of your Moon and Ascendant signs and other aspects of his astrological chart. If he is a typical Virgo though, he will probably stick to his guns unless you do some hard personal work first.
Change Is Not Easy for Him
Virgo is a mutable earth sign and therefore capable of change, but the earth element does not shift easily. Matter is stable and static, requiring effort and work to change even at the quantum level where Virgo has its domain. Once change happens, it is impossible to go back to what was. If you smash a china cup, it will leak even if you repair it with the best glue, and Virgo will not tolerate a leaky vessel. He knows when it's time to let go and will waste no energy trying to resurrect what is gone. To return to a relationship after it has ended he will need a compelling reason, and he needs to believe it can succeed to begin afresh.
He Needs Solid Ground
Every Virgo Sun has a Pisces Earth. He is rooted in dreams and the unusual, and he strives toward order and stability. His world is strange! Order, integrity, and trustworthiness are of extremely high value to Virgo. They help him to feel safe in a vast, complicated, always-in-motion universe. Because of his Pisces Earth, Virgo requires a partner who can help stabilize him. He has a passion for order and routine because his own inner experience is so unreliable. Deep down, he knows there is no guarantee that the ground will remain solid underfoot. He has to work extraordinarily hard to feel safe.
The Astrological Elements
If you are strong in the earth element signs (Capricorn, Taurus, and Virgo) that is a factor in your favor. If you have the Sun in a water element sign (Cancer, Scorpio or Pisces) then your Earth will be in an earth element, and he will find you a comfort to be around. Being in your presence helps him feel safer. If your strengths lie in the fire and air element signs, you will have to work harder to develop your earthy qualities. If this is too much for you, then you may need to release the relationship and move on.
Why You Broke Up
To a Virgo man, the reason for the breakup matters. He places a strong value on loyalty and integrity, so if you betrayed his trust or behaved dishonorably, it won't be easy for him to forgive you. He needs to respect you and he won't pretend your behavior doesn't matter to him. You will need to prove to him that you learned from your error and you will have to earn his trust and respect again. That takes time and perseverance on your part. Don't give up if you truly love him and you believe in this relationship. Humble yourself, admit you were wrong. Virgo respects humility.
If He Left You
If he broke up with you it was not an easy decision for him. He is loyal, so he would not leave unless the issues were serious. He suffered a great deal in the process of releasing his bonds of loyalty and attachment and once those bonds are gone, nothing is left to hold him. He won't likely change his mind on his own. You must want him back enough to do what it takes, for as long as it takes. If you don't feel that strongly about it, it's better to let him go.
Examine Yourself
If you seriously want him back, take this time to examine yourself. Why did he leave you? He will have told you, in some detail. Examine your behavior through his eyes. What was his deal-breaker? Is it something you can change? Do the personal work. Change yourself, not for him, but to become a better person. He will have done so already. Virgo's driving goal is perfection and failing that, the constant improvement of the self.
Improve Yourself
You need to improve yourself too. You need to show him you can change in ways that make your partnership workable. If the relationship is worth it to you, do the work, be patient and persevere. This is a most attractive quality to a Virgo. Grow and learn.
If You Left Him
If you left him, it makes a difference why you left. If you left him for another man, he may forgive as long as you are impeccably truthful with him. He has high standards for honesty and integrity but he is not possessive or jealous. He can even manage polyamory if the conditions are right. What he can't manage are disloyalty and cheating. If you left him and you want him back, you can turn him around only by raising your integrity. Examine your own motives and get very clear with yourself about why you want him back and what you are willing to commit to.
How to Get Him Back
If you want to get a Virgo man back after a breakup, give him space, don't go to him while there is a lump in your throat and confusion in your heart. Cry your tears first. If you are angry with him, pound a pillow and scream about it before you try to talk. Get your emotional energy flowing cleanly. You need a clear mind, logic, and a calm demeanor to convince this man that taking you back would be a good idea. You'll also need to show him that you're OK without him.
Humility and Integrity
Virgo is indifferent to pleas of love and declarations of devotion. He will settle only for humility and integrity. Take responsibility for your process. This is your life challenge, your hoop of fire. He won't bend his standards now, of all times. The breakup has forced change upon him and he is not the same man he was before you left. When you are ready, go to him, look him in the eye and say "I'm sorry." Say why you are sorry. Say, "This is what I've learned, this is what I understand now as a result, and here is how I would like to move forward with you."
Find Your Bottom
Don't make the mistake of rehearsing what to say to him in your mind. Instead, do the work. Examine yourself. Go through your crisis, express and release emotions, find your bottom, admit your failures and flaws and therefore come to know yourself. Take your time and do enough of the work to speak with some authority about what you learned, and especially take responsibility, which means admit to your mistakes.
What Works?
No one is as tender and attentive as a Virgo lover can be at his best, but above all he is practical. He needs to know you are a workable partner for someone like him. Beauty and charm are never enough. To convince him to invest himself in a relationship again with you, you need to show him how you've grown and that you intend to continue to grow, with all the discomfort and shame that self-examination and a real commitment to personal growth entails. Be true to yourself and to the relationship you want with him, and you will be irresistible. Plant yourself nearby, be as constant as a tree, live your life with integrity and truth. Be patient and go on with your life because he cannot be rushed, and if this is going to work, it must be his own idea.
Grieve and Move on
If you can't do that, it's time to grieve and move on. Virgo won't lower his standards and he can survive perfectly well on his own. He is naturally solitary, and it takes an extraordinary circumstance to compel him to commit to any relationship. The only thing that might draw him back is the prospect of a working partnership with someone he can trust to hold up her side of a changing path.
No Guarantees
Be worthy, be available, be true to yourself. There are no guarantees with this sign. Virgo is extraordinarily self-contained, so nothing you do may touch him. He may already have moved on. But if anything is to reach him, this will: show up and do the work. Be true to yourself above all. He respects that. To a Virgo, respect is a powerful aphrodisiac.
