There's nothing that can really soothe the ache of losing a beloved son. Yet, words are often all we have to show our support for those processing their grief. If you know someone who has lost their grown son and you're not sure how to give condolences for their loss, we've got a few tips (and some ideas) to keep in mind when reaching out.
Words of Sympathy for Someone Who's Lost Their Son
Saying "I'm so sorry" in response to a loss of any kind has been burned into our social memory for decades. It's the go-to saying that is universally accepted. But some of the most impactful words go beyond the perfunctory phrase.
Not knowing what to say — and what not to — can make you feel panicked. Take a breath and think through what sentiments you want to communicate. The best responses are heartfelt and supportive. But if you have no idea where to start, here are some words of sympathy you can give to someone who's lost their grown son.
- Your son had such an incredible personality and spirit, and we will all miss him very much. We are thinking of you during this time and are here to support you in any way you'd like.
- I'm saddened to hear about your son's passing. Many people loved him, and he will be greatly missed.
- Although I didn't know your son well, I have only heard incredible things about his generosity and kindness towards others. I'm thinking of you during this difficult time.
- Your son's presence in my life was a gift, and I hope you know just how much of an impact he had on me.
- It was truly an honor to be your son's friend, and I will miss him every day.
- I feel truly lucky that I was able to have as much time as I did with your son, and I will always cherish those special memories.
- I am here for you at any time and would like to support you in whatever way you are comfortable with.
- Your son was such a bright spot in the lives of so many people.
- I can't imagine the weight of your loss, but I hope you'll let me bear some of its burden for you.
- I know how difficult the loss of (deceased individual's name) has been for your family. I would love to drop off some dinner for you this week if you're comfortable with that.
- It's no surprise that (deceased individual's name) came from such an incredible family. You are all so kind, compassionate, and warm, and I feel lucky to have known (deceased individual's name). I am here for all of you during this time.
- I will forever remember spending time with (deceased individual's name) and you all every (insert day, holiday, or event) and having the best time together. I'm so grateful for these shared memories and want you all to know how much I love you and how deeply (insert deceased individual's name) will be missed.
- I feel your son's loss like he was one of my own, and I know that we all will get through this time together.
- My children were so fond of your son. He was such a supportive friend, and we all will miss him dearly.
If the family who's experiencing the loss finds comfort in religion, you may want to include a sympathetic Bible verse as well.
Things to Say to a Mother or Father Who Has Lost Their Son
Knowing what to say to a mother or father who has lost an adult child can feel impossible. While you might not be able to understand their grief fully, you can offer them small moments of comfort with your words. These are some appropriate condolences for when you're still at a loss for words.
- The mother-son bond (or father-son) is something truly special, and I know just how close you were with (insert deceased individual's name). I'm here for you during this time and want to express my deepest condolences for your loss.
- My heart is heavy knowing that your son is no longer with us.
- I know how incredible your relationship was with your son, and I'm beyond saddened knowing that he has passed away. So many people will miss him, and I am here for you. I'd like to pick up your weekly groceries for you if you're comfortable with me doing so.
- Your son always shared the kindest words and funniest stories about you and your family. He cared so deeply for you, and I want to make sure you know that.
- He might not be here with us in the flesh, but I see glimpses of him in every smile, ray of sunshine, and bird song that crosses my path. Remember that he's still with you in every step you take.
Things to Say Instead of Sorry for Your Loss
Sorry for your loss can come across (unintentionally) flippant and trite. Offer comfort with these phrases instead:
- I want to express my deepest condolences for your son's passing.
- I am saddened to hear about the passing of (deceased individual's name).
- My heart aches to learn about your son's recent passing.
- I'm here for you, and I love you.
- My heart breaks knowing that (deceased individual's name) has passed on.
- (Deceased individual's name) touched so many lives and will be deeply missed by many.
Related: Supportive Words of Comfort for the Loss of a Child
Consider Writing a Letter of Condolence Instead
Sometimes, there's far too much to be said than what you can fit in a greeting card. Consider sharing your thoughts and support by writing a condolence letter instead. If you have no clue where to start, these are the basics you should follow.
- Begin with a simple sentiment regarding how sorry you are to hear of their recent loss.
- Share a special memory of the deceased individual, such as, "Your son was a kind and caring person, and I'll never forget the time he (insert favorite memory)."
- Offer your support and help by saying, "During this difficult time, I'd like to (ways you'd like to help)."
- End the letter by reiterating your support: "Please know that I am here for you."
Things to Avoid Saying to Someone Who's Lost a Son
The next few months or years after losing a grown son may be a very intense time for those in mourning. It's important to be mindful of what you say and that you avoid including any of these missteps in your response.
- Avoid saying anything isolating, such as, "I can't imagine going through what you're going through."
- Avoid saying you understand their experience, as this shifts the focus to you. It may result in them feeling defensive.
- Avoid speaking about yourself and focus on their experience, even if you've been through something similar.
- Don't post anything publicly on social media as this may not be something that individuals in the family are comfortable with, and it can be seen as less personal.
- Try to avoid cliches and religious sayings, especially if the family isn't religious.
- Try not to compare their situation to others, as this can invalidate their own experience.
While it's safe to avoid these things, there are some relationships where they're not seen as a faux pas. For example, your close friend might want you to talk about how you handled a similar situation in the past.
Make Sure It Comes From the Heart
Losing an adult son can bring up complex feelings for the people mourning their loss. They probably don't know what they need or want just as much as you don't know the perfect thing to say. Make sure you offer your sympathy and condolences in an honest and heartfelt manner. You're not a walking Hallmark card, and they don't expect you to be.
