Your eyes meet across the room, and it's instant fire. The first date feels like this could be a romance for the ages. But beyond that initial chemistry, do the two of you have all the right stuff to still be together years from now? While it may be difficult to tell in the early days when your life together feels like a heart-eyed emoji, look for these surefire signs that a relationship will last as your romance matures.
You Discuss Life Goals
In relationships, it's extremely important to lay a solid foundation. How do you do this? By discussing what you want in life! This can help you to determine if you share common goals and remove the worry of later regret.
Even if your goals are for the far-off future, addressing your must-have bucket list items can help you know if a new relationship will last. While it may only be your first or second date, if you want kids and he doesn't, or she wants to travel the world and you're a homebody, these could eventually be roadblocks to long-term love.
You can deeply love someone, but if they aren't interested in sharing the big life experiences that you need to feel fulfilled, chances are that at some point, the relationship will struggle.
Sharing your goals, both big and small, is not just something you should do at the start of your relationship. What you want when you're 25 versus when you're 45 is very different, so take the time to keep your significant other in the loop as your hopes and aspirations change. And make a point to ask them about their goals and dreams.
You Connect With Each Other, Just Because
Strong couples have a habit of staying on each other's radars simply because they're thinking of the other person. Taking the time to text your significant other to ask how their day is going, to tell them you love them, or to share a funny meme or article shows that you value their presence in your life.
Researchers have found that the best things to share with your partner every day include compliments, curious questions, bits of joy, good memories, and sentiments of gratitude.
You Apologize When You're Wrong
Never go to bed angry. This well-known marriage rule seems simple enough, but when you have a big fight, it can be hard to let go of your pride. The question is, are you willing to die on this hill?
You and your partner will say mean and ugly things in heated moments, but if you truly love them, then it shouldn't be hard to let go of your frustrations and apologize for your part in the argument. This doesn't mean that you agree with them or that you're not still mad. It just shows them that you remain committed for better or worse.
You Accept Their Flaws
There is no such thing as the perfect person. People are human, which means they have flaws, annoying habits, and weaknesses. So do you! If you expect your partner to be perfect all the time, the relationship will never last.
You can't change a person. Only they can decide to change themselves, so if you're not willing to take them as they are, then don't expect the relationship to continue for long. A person doesn't need to be perfect on paper, just perfect for you.
You Find Each Other Attractive in Your Most Comfortable States
At the beginning of a relationship, you put your best foot forward. However, as you grow more comfortable with your person, the perfect hair, the makeup, and the put-together looks tend to become less common. If your partner finds you irresistible in a ball gown and in old sweats with a mismatched t-shirt, you may have found your ideal match!
You Can Just Exist Together
Another sign a relationship will last is when you're comfortable just existing in the same space without speaking to one another. Feeling that you have to force conversation every time you're in the same room means that you're not truly comfortable with your partner. Conversely, if you're happy just because your partner is present, it's likely that you have a very strong relationship.
Silence can be golden in some everyday moments, but when you have no desire to talk to your partner or you become silent because you're shutting down, these can be red flags in a relationship.
You Compromise
This is a partnership, not a dictatorship. If one person in a couple always gets their way, then the other probably feels unsatisfied. According to Dr. John Gottman, "Compromising doesn’t mean giving up core needs. It means developing awareness about the things you can be flexible with, and meeting your partner halfway."
You Don't Hold Grudges
That fight you had six years ago (when your significant other said that thing that made you so mad) is in the past! They can't change what they did or said. They can only change the future. Another sign a relationship will last is when you let go past arguments and each take the time to learn from them so that history doesn't repeat itself.
You Date Your Partner
Marriage should never be the death of dating! One big sign that a relationship will last is that you continue to surprise each other with fun dates and flirtatious advances. While it's always good to be comfortable, strong couples don't become complacent. They find ways to keep excitement in their relationship.
Related: Fun Things to Do as a Couple
You Can Spend Time Apart Without Jealousy
Trust is a pivotal part of any relationship. If you're constantly worried about what your partner is doing or who they're with, take a close look at why you have these feelings. Without trust, you can never fully feel safe nor can you truly count on your partner.
Conversely, if your relationship is without secrets and you have mutual respect for one another, you're likely in it for the long haul.
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You Fight in a Constructive Way
There's a big misconception that fighting in a relationship is bad. Of course, fights that involve physical or emotional abuse are never healthy, but the expectation that you'll never fight throughout your time together is unrealistic. You are two unique people who will have differing opinions, and that's okay. In fact, it's normal.
What matters most is the way in which you fight. Couples who disagree but listen to their partner's opinion without judgment and consider their point of view have strong partnerships. Couples who also take the time to choose their words carefully and address the things they need instead of simply pointing out their partner's faults are probably in a lasting relationship.
While you would think that not fighting is better for a relationship, if your partner doesn't know what you want or need, then there will always be underlying contention. You should never feel the need to tiptoe around your person. They should be someone you can talk to about anything.
You Can Depend on Them When the Chips Are Down
If you really want to understand how to know if a relationship will last, look at your interactions when one of you is sick. Is your partner picking up the slack and taking the initiative to care for you in your time of need, or are they sticking to their normal routine, unphased by the fact that you are dying from the plague?
A real partner won't hesitate to help, no matter how inconvenient the timing may be. Remember, it's easy to say "for better or worse" in your vows. Actions speak much louder than words.
You Know Their Love Language
People give and receive love in five different ways — physical touch, spending quality time together, words of affirmation, engaging in acts of service, and receiving gifts. For most couples, your love languages will not match up, and that's okay! What matters is that you take the time to figure out how your partner shows and accepts love so that you can better show affection and recognize appreciation.
The Last Sign a Relationship Will Last
Finally, the biggest sign a relationship will last is that you're solely focused on yourselves. Comparing your relationship to others is a recipe for disaster. By working on getting into a rhythm that's best suited for you and your partner, you can continue this dance into the distant future!
