The only thing harder than signing the divorce papers is telling people that you're getting divorced. Unfortunately, you can't hide your big life changes away from the world forever. Not sure what to say or when's the right time? We have you covered.
How to Tell Your Family That You're Getting a Divorce
After you tell your children about your plans to divorce, the rest of your family should be the next people to know what's happening. It's usually best to let your parents know first, and then move on to siblings and other family members next. It's not necessary to let distant relatives know if they're not part of your daily life. There will probably be opportunities to let them know later on if other family members haven't already passed the news on for you.
What to Say to Your Parents
Telling your parents, as well as your spouse's parents, can cause a lot of emotional upheaval for everyone involved. Try to remain as collected as you can so you can deliver the message calmly, and try to avoid giving too many details or laying blame on anyone for the situation.
You might choose to say something like:
Mom and Dad, I want you to sit down because I have some sad news to share with you. Things haven't been good in my marriage for some time now, and we just don't seem to be able to fix our problems and move forward. After a lot of soul-searching, we've decided we need to divorce.
I know this news is probably a shock, and I know you're going to need time to work through your own feelings about what's happening. I really love you, and I just hope I can count on your emotional support because I'm really going to need it.
What to Say to Other Family Members
Telling the rest of your family may be slightly easier because they are usually a little less invested in your marriage, even if they're fond of your spouse.
You might choose to tell them:
I have some sad news, and I want you to hear it from me first. _____ and I are getting a divorce. We didn't decide to do this lightly and I don't want to shut you out, but I'm not ready to talk about the details right now. I just wanted to let you know myself before you heard it from my/our parents.
How to Tell Your Friends That You're Getting Divorced
Telling your friends can be almost as overwhelming as telling your family, especially if they're also good friends with your spouse. Try to be as diplomatic as possible so they don't automatically feel like they have to choose sides.
What to Say to Your Closest Friends
Your closest friends deserve a little more information than do other friends you aren't as close to.
You might choose say:
You know your friendship means the world to me, so I wanted to let you know about something very important that's happening in my life. [spouse's name] and I are getting a divorce. It's been a while in the making, but we really can't go on together any longer. I'm sure you have an idea about some of the reasons for the divorce since we're very close and I confide in you a lot, so I know you'll understand if I don't want to talk about the details right now. I'll try to talk more about it later once I've had some time to get used to the idea myself.
What to Say to More Casual Friends
You may want to let other friends know what's happening so they don't accidentally ask how your spouse is doing and put you in the awkward position of having to explain the situation.
There's no need to offer details. Just be upfront and say something simple like:
I just wanted to let you know that [spouse's name] and I are getting a divorce. I hope you'll respect our privacy and feel free to remain friends with both of us.
Related: What to Say to Support a Friend Going Through Divorce
How to Let Your Employer & Co-Workers Know You're Getting a Divorce
It's usually best to keep your personal life as personal as possible when it comes to the workplace. Offer as few details as you have to, and keep the rest to yourself to avoid office speculation and gossip that might negatively affect your career.
What to Say to Your Boss
This is one person who may need to know about your divorce because proceedings may affect your work schedule. You may also want to change your withholding information for tax purposes.
You might choose to say something like:
I just wanted you to be aware that I'm getting a divorce. I'll try to make sure it affects my work as little as possible, but I may need some time off here and there to deal with the legalities. I'll do my best to work around my normal work schedule as much as I possibly can, and I hope we can keep this information just between us if that's possible.
What to Tell Your Co-Workers
It may actually be in your best interest to leave your co-workers in the dark, especially if you don't normally have contact with them in your personal life.
If word gets out and they inquire, simply say:
Yes, what you've heard is true. I hope I can count on you to respect my privacy and not gossip about my personal life with the rest of our co-workers.
How to Give People in Your Children's Life the Difficult News
It's important to let other key adults in your child's life know what's happening so they understand if your child's behavior suddenly changes. Knowing about the divorce may help them deal with any problem behaviors in a more positive way that supports rather than punishes your child during this very difficult time.
What to Say to Your Child's Teachers
Getting a divorce can affect your child's classroom behavior, as well as their grades. It's wise to let each of your child's teachers know what's going on ahead of time.
Tell each teacher:
I have some important news that I need to pass on to you. My spouse and I are divorcing, so you may notice some changes in my child's behavior. Please try to be patient with them, and let me know as soon as possible if any problems arise. I'll do my best to help you address them and keep [child's name] on the right track.
What to Say to Your Kid's Pediatricians and Counselors
Sometimes children have an especially difficult time adjusting to a divorce, and a trip to your pediatrician or a counselor may be in order. Keep that initial conversation to the point, and these professionals will let you know if they truly need more details in order to help your child through the adjustment period.
Just tell the professional:
I'd like to make an appointment for you to see my child. My spouse and I are divorcing, and [child's name] is having difficulty adjusting to the situation. I just want to make sure they are going to be all right.
What to Say to Your Babysitters
Your child's sitter deserves to know a major change is coming to your household, especially if there are any special custody arrangements.
Tell the sitter:
I think it's important for you to know that my spouse and I are getting a divorce. If you find that [child's name] misbehaves more or acts more needy than usual, that may be the reason why. I hope you'll be as patient as possible, and please let me know if you run into any difficulties. I'll let you know about any custody arrangements that might affect your employment with us.
It's Always Better to Let These Things Out
Whether you're putting off telling your community about your divorce because you don't want the questions or fear judgment, there will come a time when you have to let them know. Sometimes, you can't wait to feel ready — because you might never. Hopefully, with these suggestions, you'll be able to share the news on your own terms.
