At least once a week, my teenager and I get into a knock-down, drag-out battle about something. Every day, I find myself picking up after everyone else in the family. In the middle of work, I often find my feet tangled in the cords on my desk and my pen nowhere to be found. Turns out, all these little conflicts and frustrations have a name: microstressors.
We all deal with microstressors in our lives — from misplaced items to minor family conflict. It's a normal part of adulting in the 21st century, but that doesn't mean we can't reduce the effect of microstressors when it comes to our mental health. Here's how I'm tackling a few of my microstressors, one little problem at a time.
I'm Anticipating (and Limiting) Surges in Responsibility
Last year, the week before school started, I somehow scheduled separate doctors' appointments for both my kids, dentist appointments for each, and two separate back-to-school nights. On top of our already busy life, the week was just overscheduled and super stressful. A surge in responsibility like that is one of the big known causes of microstress, so I'm trying to head those off at the pass.
My plan is to always check my calendar for the whole week before I schedule appointments. That way, I can spread them out. Some weeks are still going to be crazy, but if I can reduce the weeks like that, I can reduce some of my microstress.
I'm Reducing My Expectations for My Teenager's Behavior
My eldest kid is on the autism spectrum, and he's not at a point in his life where he's taking on a lot of personal responsibility. In fact, he's actively working against being independent. The last few years have been filled with conflict about everything from homework to hygiene. My clear expectations, good communication, and reminders haven't done much to help the situation, but they have led me to resent him more with every passing conflict. That has to change.
I've tried talking to him about stepping up his level of responsibility, but he can't or won't do that. That means it's on me to change. In the past few months, I've reduced my expectations for him to do things independently. It's taken a while to get there, but the conflict is less frequent, too. I'm planning to continue this and maybe even expand it to areas where we still deal with a lot of conflict.
Relationship conflict is a huge microstressor for a lot of people. Reducing your expectations isn't always something that makes sense, but any way you can think of to cut back on the conflict could be helpful to your overall mental health.
I'm Not Reading the News in the Morning
A source of microstress for me is the news — it just seems like there's a lot of bad stuff going on in the world that we can't do anything about. For years, I've started my day by drinking a cup of coffee and reading about what's happening. But in addition to the caffeine jolt of the coffee, that seems to give me an anxiety jolt, too.
One of the steps I'm taking to protect my mental health is to reduce the amount of news I read altogether, but the big new rule is no news first thing in the morning. It's just not how I want to start my day. Instead, I read a book or look at cat videos with my 11-year-old. Feels like a major life upgrade.
I'm Taming Some of the Desk Chaos
More than four decades of life experience tell me I'm never going to be neat and tidy when it comes to my desk, but there are some things I'm doing to reduce the daily frustrations that come from my chronic disorganization.
I bought a pack of these cord organizers for my nightstand recently, and now I don't have to chase down my phone and watch chargers every night. I'm planning to pick up another set to keep the cables on my desk under control. I'm also going to declutter my desk and get in the habit of picking it up at least once a week. Seems like a little thing, but I look forward to a little order.
Related: My Home Office Setup Keeps Me on Track – These Are My Secrets
Pick Three or Four Microstressors You Can Change
The first step in reducing microstress is identifying a few things that are causing it. If you can't avoid the microstressor, think about how you can reframe it or what you can do to reduce its impact (like changing my expectations for my son). What you choose to work on is entirely based on your own life and challenges, but picking three or four little things you can change can mean a big improvement in the quality of your life.
