Do you have more wrinkles than jokes? Try turning 50. Advanced age often comes with some good-natured ribbing and humorous observations. If you or someone you know is turning 50 and can appreciate a few jokes about aging less than gracefully, here are some turning 50 jokes you can share.
One-Liners About Turning 50
Humor is subjective, but perhaps a few of these one-liners will give you a chuckle. If they do, pass them on.
Turning 50 Humor for Women
You know you're 50 when...
- Your face has more wrinkles than an elephant's backside.
- You can look back on your 40th birthday and wonder what all the drama was about.
- You're thankful when someone tells you that you have lipstick on your teeth because it means you still have teeth.
- You purchase your moisturizer by the case instead of by the jar.
- AARP comes knocking (and mailing, and emailing, and calling — basically you're being hunted by AARP).
- Your favorite moisturizer is called "Hope in a Jar."
- Nobody cards you — unless they're checking to see if you're eligible for a senior citizen's discount.
- You realize facial waxing is a thing... that you need.
- The "wisdom sparkles" in your hair become wisdom clumps.
- Salespeople in anti-aging skincare kiosks at the mall get super excited when they see you.
- Hair dye goes on your shopping list under "essentials" instead of "luxuries."
- That come hither look you used to have in your eyes just doesn't look as enticing through your bifocals.
- Your once fabulous behind now looks more like a set of mud flaps.
- Your hot flashes result in savings on your heating bill.
- You finally understand that being over the hill beats being planted under it.
50th Birthday Jokes for Men
You know you're 50 when...
- You now have more hair on your knuckles than you do on your head.
- Your idea of getting lucky is being able to find your car in Walmart's parking lot on the first try.
- You have to use your GPS to locate your feet because you can't see over your belly.
- Your trick knee goes out more than you do.
- Your idea of a hot time is putting a heating pad on your bad back.
- You want your kids to think you're cool, so you ask them to help set up your own page on MyFace and you can't understand what they're giggling about.
- Getting some action means all those prunes your doctor is making you eat are doing their job.
- You and your teeth have decided that a separation is the best thing for your relationship.
- Getting high means it's time to take your blood pressure medication.
- You finally qualify as "true vintage."
- When you tell your child that the gray hair means wisdom and they answer, "You must be really wise."
Workplace-Inspired Humor
Turning 50 means...
- Punching a time clock is probably the most exercise you'll get all day.
- Your aspirations toward middle management now involve your waistline instead of your job.
- Seeking help from upper management is about finding a bra strong enough to keep your bosom from sagging.
- Being asked, "Do you want fries with that?" beats being the one doing the asking.
Simple Jokes About Turning 50
They're funny because they're true...
- Knock, Knock. Who's there? Halfway. Halfway who? You're halfway through life!
- Knock, Knock. Who's there? Me. Me who? Oh no, the forgetfulness has started already!
- What do you call a 50-year-old soldier guarding a building? Half a sentry!
- Why can you trust your friends more after turning 50? Because you can't even remember each other's names, let alone your deepest secrets!
Jokes About Being 50
Get your friends laughing with some anecdotal jokes about being old.
Old Dog
"It's your birthday? How old are you?" asks the man's friend. "I'm seven and one-seventh," replies the man. "How's that? You look about 50 to me," replies the friend. "Every time I chat up a nice lady she calls me an old dog, so I figure I get to count age in dog years now!"
Hawaii Bound
Person 1: "So you finally made it to the big five-oh?"
Person 2: "No, I've never been to Hawaii, but I still love that show!"
Age Ain't Nothin' But a Number
If you add the two numbers in your chronological age, you get your true age. So you're 5 now, and you can't really argue the similarities. Five-year-olds have a tough time tying their shoes, can barely spell their own name, and need help reading!
More 50 Jokes and Humor
Need more jokes? Check out the following resources for additional humor about turning 50 years old.
- What You Don't Know About Turning 50 - This book by P.D. Witte is filled with jokes about turning 50 that are compiled into a funny quiz.
- BirthdayFrenzy - This website also offers a collection of jokes about the challenges of turning 50.
The Key to Being Funny
With age comes wisdom — and lots of other stuff, too. But there's so much humor in aging if you're willing to look for it. After all, aging means we're still here, and that's worth laughing about all by itself. Next, stock up on some funny 60th birthday jokes so you'll be prepared when the time comes.
