Last time I had an MRI, the technician asked me what kind of music I wanted to listen to while I was in the machine. You're supposed to pick something calming or happy so you won't feel as anxious being scanned in a giant tube you can't escape. I chose total, noise-cancelled silence. The technician's jaw dropped open. Welcome to my world of being a musical weirdo, my dude.
I have musical anhedonia, which means I don't really find music pleasurable in the same way other people do. In addition to making me kind of uncool, this means I never get the "tingles" from a beautiful song, never get tears in my eyes from the swelling of the violins in a concerto, and don't share favorite songs with friends or breathlessly look forward to the release of a new album. A lot of music actually just sounds like noise to me.
But there are some ways music does add joy to my life, despite my very different experience of it. Here's how even someone with musical anhedonia loves a great song.
I Hear Song Lyrics as Poetry
I've been a writer for 25 years. I absolutely love words, especially when they create beautiful images or convey emotion. Words are my jam. They're also how I can connect emotionally to a song. Some songs have incredible lyrics that are really poetry.
This means I'm very picky about lyrics. The instant the songwriter forces a rhyme or mixes metaphors, I'm done. But if the lyrics express what it feels like to be a human or share a different perspective or use sensory details and images that let me really feel the emotions of the singer, I'm hooked. That's my new favorite song.
Do you have musical anhedonia? You might, since studies estimate that it affects between three and five percent of the population. The Barcelona Music Reward Questionaire is one way you can test yourself to see whether you might not experience music like other people (it compares your results to the average).
I Love Songs That Connect to a Specific Memory
Even though I don't listen to anywhere near as much music as most people, I do have major memories that come with a soundtrack. That's pretty much unavoidable when you ride around in cars with other teens, go to high school dances, go clubbing with friends in college, or basically just live as a human in this world that's always got music playing. And I actually love the way that music can transport you back to another time in a very specific way.
Don't laugh at me (okay, maybe you should because this is really dorky), but I can't hear Bryan Adams's (Everything I Do) I Do It for You without getting a little choked up thinking about my first dance with a boy. We went out for a lot of high school, and we're still good friends. When I hear that song, it takes me back 33 years to our first dance, and I usually drop him a text. I really love how songs connect to nostalgia, even when the songs aren't that great.
I Like Instrumentals That Remind Me of My Grandparents
Mostly, I really don't like instrumentals. But although it's not as specific (or as lame) as being emotionally moved by a Bryan Adams song, I also love instrumental songs that remind me of a family relationship or period in time.
And... this is why I sometimes listen to Glenn Miller instrumentals and actually enjoy them. My grandparents used to play In the Mood or String of Pearls on the stereo, and I grew up with that as a sort of soundtrack. It just feels familiar in a kind of comforting way.
It can feel pretty messed up to be the only person in a group of friends who doesn't like music, and I definitely used to fake it when I was growing up. At 47, I don't pretend anymore, but I have learned that it helps a lot when people understand that there are different ways to experience the world and that there's not something wrong with you if you don't naturally enjoy music.
I'm Energized by Songs With a Good Beat
Even though I don't think I fully appreciate most of what happens in music, especially involving tones or changes in pitch, I do like it if a song has a good beat. This doesn't mean I love the song right away or want to listen to it again, but there are times when there's just something really energizing about the drum line in a song.
If I'm trying to clean my house quickly or working out, a good beat helps me move faster. And it adds something else — a sort of energy boost. I know this is probably sort of a lesser version of how other people experience it, but I do appreciate being able to borrow a little extra energy from music.
Related: 20 Songs With Dance Moves You Don't Need Rhythm to Rock
Musical Anhedonia Is Just Another Way to Be a Human
When I was growing up, not liking music was just this weird thing about me that I kept to myself. It didn't have a name, and even if it did, I probably wouldn't have told anyone about it. Things are changing now, though. As the mom of one kid on the autism spectrum and another with a pretty fierce case of ADHD, I love that the world is beginning to understand that there are lots of ways to be a human. My musical anhedonia is like that, too — another kind of neurodivergence in a world that's increasingly aware of and accepting of differences.
