There's a scene in the 80s movie Airplane when a stressed-out air traffic controller who's trying to help a plane in distress keeps saying, "I picked the wrong week to quit (smoking, drinking, amphetamines, sniffing glue)."
I've made some significant lifestyle changes myself in the past year. I've cut way down on alcohol (can't say I've totally quit, but I'm definitely on the sober side of consumption recently — I think I've had one weak drink in about six months, and after a few sips, I was good), and I've changed my eating habits, eliminating empty calories, carbs, and sugar. I've cut back on the trash TV I used to watch as an escape hatch. I've minimized my shopping and consumption because, quite frankly, I don't need more stuff. Oh. And I gave up caffeine.
At the same time, as I've watched the world devolve around me into one stressful event after another, I can't help but think that, like the dude on Airplane, I've picked the wrong week to quit using food as a crutch, shopping to fill some kind of inner emptiness, watching trash TV to escape, and having a cocktail to make me worry less about all of the crap that's happening in the world.
All the things I used to use to dissociate are habits I've dropped in order to live a healthier, more sustainable life. I'm no longer sobbing nightly into a pint of ice cream as I watch Vanderpump Rules while tossing vodka down my gullet. And yet, I'm still managing, even as it feels to me like the world is going to Hell in a handbasket. In fact, I'd say I'm thriving. I feel — dare I say it — happy.
Honestly, I've probably replaced my unhealthy coping mechanism with new things that distract me. But while those old habits numbed me instead of making me happy, my new "vices" actually give me a personal sense of joy and satisfaction in a world gone mad. Here's what's working for me.
Kittens!
Okay — here's where you might see that moderation isn't my strong suit, whether it's a healthy habit or an unhealthy one. My husband and I have recently adopted four kittens from a shelter. That's a lot of kittens. We had four dogs in the past, and they all aged out of the system. So after a few years of grieving, we adopted the kittens.
And while they are currently a ton of work for me (I clean my house top to bottom like twice a day right now because they're so messy), they're also so sweet. There's nothing like cuddling a kitten or two to melt away your cares and leave you in a calm, happy state. And fortunately, kittens sleep a lot, so it's like two one-hour periods of absolute chaos followed by hours and hours of cuddly sweetness.
Walks
Even in the dreary Pacific Northwest winters, walking is a lifesaver for me. Getting outdoors always calms me down and reminds me that no matter what's happening in the world, our planet is breathtakingly beautiful. Just an hour among the trees, fields, and sky (often swathed head to toe in Gore-Tex) brings me a sense of inner calm and happiness that lingers long after I head back indoors.
Related: I Have Seasonal Affective Disorder: Here Are My Tips to Beat the Winter Blues
Adventures
Sure, traveling isn't something we can do every weekend. But even when we aren't traveling, we make time to have small adventures — going places, seeing things, taking hikes — that type of thing. And for a few weeks every year, we also either take epic road trips to all kinds of amazing places or hop on a plane and fly somewhere for a few days.
These adventures, big and small, do a couple of things for me. They get me out in nature because these trips always involve a ton of hiking, and they remind me that no matter where you go, people are pretty much all the same, and when they're one-on-one, they're also usually pretty awesome.
Friends & Family
It's so easy to lose touch with friends and family, especially since most of mine live over an hour away. But we make an effort to get together — sometimes on our weekend adventures or travel, and sometimes just a quick meal together or a gathering. Heck, even a quick online or FaceTime chat lifts my spirits. And spending that time with my friends and family is so good for my soul. It makes me feel glad to be alive, and I always have something to look forward to — getting together again.
Exercise
So I wake up and exercise first thing 5 to 6 mornings per week (aside from my daily walks). And I'll be completely honest. Every morning when I wake up, I tell myself I'm not going to exercise today. And then, I do it anyway, and I always feel better because I have.
From the warmth of my bed, exercise always seems like a terrible idea. But as soon as I start moving, I feel great, and it lasts all day long.
Meditation
Oh man, did I used to hate it when people told me I needed to meditate. Didn't think I could do it and resented the implication that I should want to try. But then, I've always been known for my demand resistance.
Then, one day it seemed like my idea instead of someone telling me what I should do (that's the trick to buy in for me — I have to think it's my idea, even when it isn't). So, I started spending 20-40 minutes each day in meditation, and boy, does it make a difference.
Fortunately, there are so many ways to meditate that don't involve sitting pretzeled into the lotus position chanting OM (although it's great if that works for you). Find something and try it for even five minutes a day. It will make all the difference in the world.
Laughter
It's a good thing I find myself hilarious because laughing joyfully and frequently can totally make everything seem better. I seek out laughter regularly, and my friends and family will tell you that I'm fluent in sarcasm (it's kind of my coping mechanism). Fortunately, I'm also married to a funny person and have funny friends. So I laugh a lot.
After a recent weekend spent sharing a house with my hilarious friends where we laughed for hours on end, I felt like I'd had a month at a spa — light, joyful, refreshed, and without a care in the world. And it carried on for weeks.
Meaningful Activity
This can be any meaningful practice, really, from yoga to a hobby to crafting to volunteering for a cause that's near and dear to your heart. I do a little of all of it. Even though I'm an editor and writer by trade, I also write because it brings me joy and is a great way to communicate with people in ways that can actually help them. I love making jewelry because I feel peace, creativity, and a sense of connection to everything as I do it. I teach classes about things that mean a lot to me. I volunteer for causes that matter to me. All these things bring meaning into my life that fills me with a deep sense of peace and purpose, leaving me feeling happier overall.
And the good thing about meaningful activity is that it doesn't have to be something that has meaning for someone else. It only has to be meaningful to you. It can be cooking, gardening, recycling, being creative — the list goes on and on. Find something that gives you meaning and make it yours. You'll be so much happier for it.
I'm in It to Win It
Of course, I don't walk around grinning from ear to ear every moment of every day. But what I do find is that — no matter what's happening in the world — I feel a sense of connection, purpose, peace, and even joy a lot of the time.
And the other thing that I've found is that since I've replaced my unhealthy, avoidant, and escapist behaviors with more meaningful (but possibly still avoidant and escapist) choices, I'm also more resilient. Sure, I get down. But I snap out of it much more quickly and return to a sunnier disposition.
So yes. I may have picked the wrong time to quit (insert behavior here), but I've picked exactly the right time to lean into things that bring purpose and joy into my life. And no matter what's happening in the world around me, having a personal sense of peace can also help me be more present for people who are struggling with what's going on around them. All in all, it's a tradeoff I'd make over and over again.
