So you've asked her out, and the first date is coming. Whether this is your first first date or your hundredth, you probably want to make a great impression. Fortunately, it's not that difficult to figure out what she wants. Along with basic courtesy, making a little extra effort goes a long way. Take a look at our list of things girls want from you on a first date before you go.
1. Show Up
At first, it may seem a bit obvious, but the simple idea of "showing up" goes beyond just arriving. First, there's the idea that a girl wants her date to be on time. In the information age, however, showing up means also being present for the date. Phones should be shut off, texts ignored, and iPads left at home. Your attention and intention should be right there for the date so that, for at least those few hours, she feels special.
2. Make an Effort
Depending on the date, dress codes can vary. Whatever attire is appropriate, though, it's nice for you to make an effort in your appearance. This doesn't necessarily mean wearing expensive clothes. The first date might be taking a trip to an apple orchard, going scuba diving, or some other activity that precludes fancy dress.
You can always make an effort to look nice, though, wearing clothes that complement your features and taking care of personal hygiene such as combing your hair, shaving, etc.
3. Avoid Money Weirdness
The days of the person who asks for the date automatically paying are long gone. Often, people want to make sure they don't feel beholden to their dates, and so they will split the bill.
If that's the plan from the beginning, it's fine; however, there is enough holdover of tradition that it is nice for the person asking for the date to offer to pay for the dinner, movie, or whatever. It gives your date an opportunity to assert their own independence and self-responsibility, or to graciously accept the gift, or even to choose to pay for it all themself! Be easygoing here and take your date's choices into consideration.
4. Be Open
A first date is when people just start to get to know each other. It's a time of discovery and learning new things — not only about each other but also about the world. While it's fine to maintain your own opinions and beliefs, it's very unattractive to refuse to hear about others. One of the worst mistakes you can make on a date is to speak badly about some idea or group, only to find out that it's one of your date's ideas or that she is a member of that group. For example, imagine going to a restaurant and hearing someone belittle those "silly vegetarians" and then hearing your date ask the waiter if the restaurant has any vegan entrées. That's not a first date that's going very well.
Related: 57 First Date Questions That Get Real but Keep It Fun
5. Follow Up
Some first dates are fantastic. You know that there's going to be another date, and you can't wait to see them again. In those cases, you know that there's going to be future contact.
What about the not-so-great first dates? Even if it's an awful encounter ("I can't believe what he said about vegetarians!"), it's nice to follow up with a thank you. It shows appreciation and acknowledges the time commitment involved when someone took a chance to go out with you. In some cases, that follow-up may need to be an apology ("Sorry about the vegetarian remark"). In other cases, it might be the thing that tips the scale from "OK date" to "good date" just because it shows you care.
Advice for What to Do on a First Date
Prepping for that first date is one thing, but actually being on the first date gives you a chance to put that prep work into practice.
- Suggest an afternoon date and participate in a casual activity, such as bike riding or surfing lessons, that prohibits you from pulling out your phones and alleviates any pressures of taking things further too quickly.
- Ask questions about your date's hobbies, work, and goals that will give you clues about them without probing too deeply into their life history.
- Dress in clothing you feel comfortable in that's clean and makes sense for the occasion so you'll both be comfortable.
- Bring cash so you are prepared to pay for a portion of or all of the date, depending on what the two of you decide.
- Present the best version of yourself that is still authentic in the way you look, talk, and act on the date.
Things to Avoid on a First Date
While each person and circumstance is different, there are several behaviors that most people would consider unattractive on a first date.
- Avoid topics that could lead to an argument, like political opinions, or that could lead to sharing too much information, like medical problems you have.
- Don't talk about or have sex on a first date, it could be dangerous physically and emotionally.
- If you want to keep this date from becoming your own true dating horror story, skip the alcohol and try not to overeat.
Common Courtesy, Uncommon Dates
While these may be things almost everyone wants on a first date, they aren't the only things. Good manners and honesty are other important factors. Using common courtesy plus these extra five steps can be the basis for a truly long-lasting relationship.
