Turning down someone's romantic overtures takes bravery, especially if you want to keep some kind of connection alive. We've talked with an elite dating coach and gotten her best tips and tricks for how to tell a guy you want to stay friends. Attraction isn't always a two-way street and here's the best way to approach things if you want to keep your relationship strictly platonic.
How to Tell Someone You Want to Be Friends
It takes courage to ask someone out, especially when it risks an existing friendship. "In life, there are very few sure things. One sure thing about love is that you can't have it without risking heartbreak," said dating coach Lori Gorshow. "Fortunately or unfortunately, you just can't have one without the other. Moreover, the discussion supports either love as a risk worth taking or heartbreak as a very painful experience not worth repeating." Recognize the courage it takes to ask someone out and be kind in your rejection.
The clearer you can be in your intention to stay friends, the better. Being vague or giving false hope will only confuse them and can result in frustration all around. "I don't want to be more than friends" is preferable to "I don't really want to date you right now," which indicates a time may come when you might want to date them.
How Teenagers Can Kindly Reject Someone's Interest
Teenagers are learning how to navigate relationships and may not understand that some people simply want to be friends. "Come up with excuses that are clever and take the pressure off."
Gorshow further suggests, "Blame your parents for putting some rules in place; tell [them] that your parents have a strict rule about not dating until you are a certain age. You can also let [someone] down gently by telling [them] you are so involved with school and after school sports/activities that you can't devote the proper amount of attention to a relationship."
It's important to be clear and not apologetic about your disinterest. Clarity is key in every relationship, even platonic ones.
Related: Navigating Life: What to Do When You Don't Know What to Do
How to Tell a Co-Worker You Want to Stay Friends
Gorshow has specific advice for telling a co-worker that you're not interested in anything beyond friendship or co-workers. "If the guy from work is really into you, it is because he thinks you are a risk worth taking. The fact that you are not that into him is the consequence he faces for taking that risk. There are a few ways you can lessen the impact of rejection."
Soften the Impact
"Understand that while [someone] may have feelings for you, or at the very least interested enough to 'want to see what develops', the longer you take to set the record straight the worse [they're] going to feel about your lack of interest," advises Gorshow. "The second thing you can do is focus on the fact that it may be in your best interest to try to maintain a positive relationship as co-workers, so it will be important to clear things up diplomatically."
Be Crystal Clear
Gorshow suggests specific wording to be clear in your preference. "You could say something like, 'I had a fun time when we hung out the other night, which is why I want to make sure that you and I are on the same page," said Gorshow. "'I have a professional rule I set for myself to never date a co-worker. Having just started a new job, I don't want any misunderstandings between us. Having said that, I would like it if we could just remain friends?'"
Find Safety in Numbers
"The final thing to think about is keeping the rule of 'more is safer than less'," said Gorshow. "The key to this rule is to go out in groups of co-worker or friends rather than just the two of you. So the next time he asks if you want to hang out, you can say, 'If it's a group thing count me in, but if it is just the two of us, I am going to have to invoke my rule of no dating co-workers.' The more you are consistent with following your rules, the better relationships you'll have with the people you work with."
Set Your Boundary & Keep Enforcing It
Unfortunately, not everyone takes rejection well no matter how kind or gentle your delivery is. But your no means no, and if they can't keep from crossing boundaries within your friendship, then it's a good sign that you should instill a little distance. No one's entitled to your company, romantic interest or not.
