I like to think I'm a pretty mentally healthy person, and in general, I usually am. But I have a few lingering fears that have hung around since I was a kid. While a few of them are "normal" fears, others are oddly specific.
These fears are primal. I recognize they're irrational, but my body reacts with fight, flight, or freeze before my brain can rationalize my way past it.
Still, I try to never let fear or discomfort get in the way of doing really cool things. And so, I've worked on getting through the fears that negatively affect my life. In most cases, I think I'm doing pretty well.
Wooden Popsicle Sticks and Tongue Depressors
Actually, the thought of any type of raw wood in my mouth is enough to trigger a response. I'm shuddering right now as I talk about this. Turns out, this is a phobia that some people have, and I suspect it may actually rise to the level of phobia in my life. Apparently, it's called xylophobia (or glossophobia if it's just tongue depressors).
Remember back in school when it was ice cream day, and they'd give you those tiny cups of vanilla ice cream and orange sherbet with a tiny wooden spoon? Nope. No thanks. Aaaaaaaaaaaaa!
To tell you the truth, the way I manage this now is that I avoid anything on a raw-wood stick. As a kid, I skipped ice cream day, and even back in the 70s nobody forced you to eat ice cream if you didn't want it. No ice cream bars or popsicles for me. And at the doctor's office? I avoid looking at the tongue depressors the whole time I'm there.
Status: Not managed, but it doesn't affect my life much since I'm allergic to ice cream
Snakes
I know this one isn't an unusual fear — mine has been around for as long as I can remember. Many people are at least a little afraid of snakes, but I'm afraid to the level that I could never go in the reptile house at the zoo or even look at photos of snakes. My daughter-in-law had a pet snake for a while, but thankfully, it lived in a closet, so I never saw it (but I totally knew it was there).
One day, I stepped on the bottom step of my front porch wearing flip-flops, and a whole passel of baby snakes flew out from under the step across the top of my foot. It was a whole thing, but I lived through it.
I've been working on this one since I hike a lot, and snakes happen. I started by standing as far away from any snake as I could and just sort of peeking at it from afar (but looking away whenever it got overwhelming). Since then, I've slowly increased my exposure. I still feel nervous when they're around, but it's a lot better. In fact, here's a king snake I actually stood close enough to and looked at long enough last spring to snap a photo.
Status: Not there yet but getting there
Notice I call these fears and not phobias. Phobias are a form of anxiety, and they involve not only being irrationally terrified of something to the point you struggle to function, but those fears have a significant effect on your life, even when the thing you fear isn't present any longer. If you struggle with phobias, mental health professionals can help you manage them.
Unprotected Heights
I'm not afraid of heights (acrophobia). I've been to the top of some pretty tall buildings and looked out from the observation deck and was fine because there's a railing. I sit in the window seat on planes. But when I'm out hiking along a trail, and there's a sheer dropoff next to me? I have to cling to the wall, my heart races, and my legs turn to jelly.
This one has pretty significantly affected my life because of the whole hiking thing. But it's another one I've worked on with gradual exposure.
Recently, I hiked down into Bryce Canyon, and there are some exposed portions of the trail there. I clung to the wall and went super slowly to compensate for my shaking legs. I'm not going to say it was pleasant, but I was glad I did it and plan to do it again.
In fact, I've come so far with this one that I even went up in a hot air balloon — something that would have been unthinkable a few years ago. It was super cool.
Status: It's ongoing, but I'm getting there
Bats in Outhouses
Welcome back to oddly specific fears. First, let me say that I have never encountered a bat in an outhouse. But as a kid going to a cabin at the lake that only had outdoor plumbing, I was sure they'd be hiding under the toilet seat in the outhouse, just waiting to fly out and bite me in the rump.
This fear has continued into adulthood. I wish I was kidding.
I'm marginally okay with bats. And while I don't love outhouses, I do okay with those, too. But the thought that there might be a bat lying in wait? Gahh!
I used to send my husband into outhouses to check for bats before I went in. But gradually, I was able to go in myself. And while I still stand wayyyyy back when I lift the seat lid, I'm able to use the outhouse when I hike without totally losing it.
Status: Making progress
Related: 10 Ways I Connect With Nature in Winter & You Can, Too
Weird Al Yankovic
I. Am. Not. Joking. I'm afraid of him. I've never met him in person, nor have I been in his presence. I've heard his music, and that doesn't freak me out. But him? Nope. No thanks.
It all started years ago when I had a dream that Weird Al and Ruth Buzzi were stalking me — I think they were coming to kill me, and they were peeking at me through the windows of a dusty cabin. All I could see were their eyes and curly hair. And somehow, that translated into what is, perhaps, my weirdest irrational fear.
Fortunately, there's not much of an effect on my life. I'm not going to go to a concert if Weird Al comes to a city near me, but it's unlikely I'll ever encounter him on the street. I hope.
Status: Nope
The Dentist
I actually feel kind of sorry for dentists because I suspect they're used to getting terrified glances from people.
As a kid, I had to have a ton of dental work because I had crooked teeth. So, in prep for braces, I had to get several teeth pulled. It wasn't awesome, and somehow this translated into my adult brain as dentists = bad and terrifying.
Of all my fears, this is the one that is most likely an actual phobia. I avoided the dentist for years. I knew it wasn't healthy, but I couldn't bring myself to go. Then, a few years ago, a dental emergency forced me to go back. There was valium involved.
I'm lucky. Even though I avoided the dentist for probably 20 years, my teeth and gums were still in good shape — probably the result of all the excellent (yet terrifying) dental care I had as a kid. My dental emergency was quickly resolved, but I learned a valuable lesson about avoiding the dentist. And, with the help of a very understanding dentist and their staff (and some valium for the more challenging visits), I have managed to continue going.
Status: I still dread it for days before I go, but I do it. That's the best I can do for now.
Overcoming My Fears
Everyone has stuff they're afraid of. I certainly do. My husband and I go on a lot of road trips, often along winding, scary mountain roads with big, unprotected dropoffs next to them. And, given what you now know about my fear of unprotected heights, you can probably imagine that is pretty scary for me.
A few years ago we were driving along the Needles Highway in the Black Hills of South Dakota. It was winding, steep, narrow, and high. And I was unable to keep my terror inside of me. Frustrated, my husband said, "Do you want me to turn around and go back?" "No," I told him through my tears. "It's cool."
And that, friends, sums up how I feel about things that scare me in a nutshell. If I want to see and experience cool things, sometimes I have to do scary things. So while you may never find me at a Weird Al concert, you might see me hiking along the edge of a cliff or cautiously taking photos of snakes. Because to me, the benefits outweigh the terror, so I try not to let my fears control me.
