I've walked this Earth for almost 60 years. And in that time, I like to think I've gained at least a little perspective. Different things matter to me now than what did 20 years (or more) ago. In my 20s and 30s, I measured my success by all the things I was conditioned to believe were important: high-paying job (failed), college degree (failed), successful marriage (failed twice), prestigious career with rapid advancement (failed), homeownership (failed), nice car (failed), thin (failed), 2.5 children (fell short). In other words, by those standards, I was failing hard at adulting.
Since then, I've achieved a lot of those things, but they wound feeling a little hollow and didn't give me the feeling of happiness or satisfaction that I grew up believing they should. And I also came to understand that those measures of success were meaningless to me. That realization helped me let go of all the socially acceptable measures of success and find my own ways to be successful. And because of that, I've thrived. I'm not just content in my life — I'm happy and fulfilled. These are the ways that I measure my success.
I Walk My Own Path
I'm a woo-woo gal, and I'm happy that way. My mom always says that I'm a free spirit. When I tried to walk a path that I thought others expected me to, I was miserable. That life wasn't for me. I spent a lot of time trying to think the way others thought and believe what others believed, and it just felt wrong in every fiber of my being.
So, I stepped off of that path and found my own. A lot of it has been unconventional, but it has been an honest life of living and speaking my truth, and it feels amazing from the top of my head to the tip of my toes.
Do I sometimes flit from thing to thing? Absolutely. Do I have some unconventional practices and beliefs? Yep. But they are authentic to me. Living my truth and walking my path makes me feel empowered, enthusiastic about life, and happy.
I'm Always Learning Something New
So, I'm a Sagittarius, and one of the key Sagittarius traits is a constant quest for novelty. I love learning new things, meeting new people, and going new places. In fact, I love it so much that I'm pretty sure I can't live without it. Because of my chronic case of wanderlust, my hubby and I travel a lot. And because I'm curious about absolutely everything, I learn something new probably every day.
Because of my quest for knowledge, I've had a rather unconventional education. Lots of classes. Lots of college. Exploration of topics ranging from history to fashion to spirituality. And it makes me happy. So happy. It has also filled my mind with random bits of knowledge (which fit in the brain spaces around the six decades of partial song lyrics I remember), which makes me an absolute whiz at trivia night.
I intend to continue learning until the day I die — as long as there's still room around those song lyrics.
I Take Every Opportunity to Be Creative
Creating is as essential to my soul as water is to my body. I can't live without it. I try to create in some way every day, and fortunately, with my job, I have lots of professional opportunities for creativity, too.
I'm Resilient
Just like everyone else, my life has had a ton of challenges. But I've developed the skills and techniques to bounce back quickly — not in an avoidant, pretending it didn't happen kind of way, but by actually getting over stuff and moving on. I have many tools in my toolbox: a personal practice that feeds my soul, enthusiasm for life, the ability to be mindful, people in my life from whom I can seek support, and the ability to see hardships as challenges that allow me to grow. My resilience has helped me to function during some of the most difficult periods of my life.
I Have Deeply Meaningful Relationships
I used to be pretty bad at relationships and friendships because I had a skewed idea of what those should look like. It led me to get married twice to people who were 100% not right for me, and I also had some unsatisfying friendships with people whose vibe I didn't mesh with (because I thought I was supposed to be nice and be friends with everyone).
Two crashed marriages and a bunch of friendships that went down in flames showed me that I deserved to have truly good people in my life who got me and with whom I connected. Today, I'm in a solid marriage to a wonderful partner, and the friendships I have are amazing. They aren't just surface — they're bone deep, and I know these will be people who are with me until the end.
My Adult Kids Are Thriving
By thriving, I mean they're living their truths and walking their own paths. They couldn't be more different from one another, but each is amazing in their own way. They're successfully adulting in their 20s, and I'm happy for them.
I Have a Practice
Actually, I have multiple practices, but they all boil down to core values — mindfulness and connection. My practices are an essential and regular part of my life. They bring me peace, help me reset, and give my life beauty and meaning. And, as I learn, grow, and change, I adapt my practices so they remain grounding and meaningful.
I'm Grateful
Every day I wake up grateful, and every night before I go to sleep, I'm grateful. I have found so much appreciation for the smallest of things, and that gratitude helps me navigate when challenges arise.
I Laugh a Lot
Seriously, you guys. I'm so funny (or at least I find myself hilarious), and I find other people fun and funny, too. I laugh every day, even during difficult times.
I'm Adaptable
I like to say I'm adaptable, while my husband insists I'm chaotic. Truth be told, it's probably a little of both. I love change, which means I adapt to new situations quickly. And even when it's not a change I've created or wanted, I try to greet it with curiosity instead of trepidation.
I Let Go of Expectations
I discovered a long time ago that expectations do two things: 1) they often lead to disappointment, and 2) they impose limitations. Letting go of expectations leaves me open to the flow of life and usually leads me in a super cool direction that I couldn't have come up with on my own.
I Stopped Letting My Fears Control Me
Several years ago, I made the decision that I'd never let fear keep me from doing something cool. It was the greatest decision! I have done so much super cool stuff since then, and I've taken a bunch of risks that I probably wouldn't have before I made that choice. Is it scary? Yep. But is it also freeing and fun? Absolutely.
Related: My Weird Fears & How I Keep Them From Controlling Me
I Spend Time Doing Things I Love
Doing stuff I love is a form of self-care. Sure, I still do things I don't love so much (scrubbing toilets comes to mind), but I always know that something I'm excited to do is on the horizon, and it gets me through the things I find less enjoyable.
I Care for My Body in Gentle Ways
I haven't always been kind or gentle to my body. As a child of the 80s, I became an adult in the no-pain-no-gain era, which taught me that I should push my body until it was a smoldering heap. I've also battled my body most of my life (I struggled with an eating disorder in my 20s and have been various degrees of overweight for most of the rest of the time), and it has taken me decades to learn to treat my body gently and kindly while still giving it the nutrition and movement it needs to stay healthy. I have found a balance that works for me, and I'm more comfortable and at peace in my body than I ever have been.
I've Stopped Seeking Approval
Yep. I'm a reformed people-pleaser. I've come to recognize that the only person I truly need to please is myself, and the only person whose approval I need is my own. It's very freeing to get to that place after years of trying to make everyone like me.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because you can find your own definition of success, too! I encourage you to get off the hamster wheel of social expectations and find a definition of personal success that allows you to not just survive but thrive.
Finding My Own Definition of Success
For all the years I strived to meet society's expectations of success, it seemed that the things society considered successful just got further and further away. And my self-definition became this: I suck at life.
But as soon as I created my own ideas of what success was and went with the flow of life, things that had eluded me in the past suddenly happened with no effort at all. Remember all those "failed" things I mentioned at the beginning of this article? Once they stopped being the be-all and end-all, they just sort of landed in my life anyway. But even if they hadn't, I'd still see myself as successful. I'm living the life I want, and I'm thriving because of it.
