Think about the last time you went through a bad breakup, got let go from your job, or lost someone you loved. What helped you get back on your feet? What kept you from being overwhelmed by sadness or loss? The skills we use to withstand challenges and setbacks are resilience tools, and they're an important part of building and maintaining a happy life. Luckily, they're also skills you can nurture and encourage in yourself and others. These are our best tips to help.
Remember How You've Made It Through Before
No matter what kind of life you have, chances are you've had your fair share of setbacks and losses. Even little disappointments offer a chance to strengthen those resilience muscles, especially when you're looking back at them.
What was the last hard thing you dealt with? How did you manage to get through it? What helped and what didn't? These are lessons you can learn to help with future challenges.
Build Your Connections With Other People
We've all heard about the importance of networking, but our social network is actually even more important than our professional one. Having people in your life you know you can rely on gives you the strength to get through just about anything.
Build up your relationships in the easy times so you can rely on them in the harder periods (and be there for others during those times, too). Friends, family, and romantic partners can all give you strength when you're dealing with something tough.
Figure Out One Action You Can Take When You Feel Stuck
If you're dealing with something hard, it's easy to feel like the problem is bigger than you are. The thing is, that kind of mindset can make it harder to get through those times. Instead, we like to focus on what we can do, even if it's something small.
For example, if you've just lost a job you really like, you'll be sad. The problem of finding a new job can seem overwhelming, but sitting down and working on your resume is something you can do to make everything a little more manageable. It lets you take an active role, and that's powerful.
Treat Yourself With Kindness
How we talk to ourselves matters. If you're hard on yourself, especially when you're already dealing with something challenging, that can make it harder to recover. On the flip side, being really kind to yourself can be a good way to nurture your own growth.
One way to do that is to think about the message you really need to hear right now and then give yourself that pep talk. For example, if you recently interviewed for a job and didn't get it, try affirming how hard you tried and how well you did in the interview. You might say something like, "I didn't get this job, but I showed I know how to interview well. I'll be better set up for the next one."
Have Hope for the Future
Getting through something overwhelming or sad can be easier if you have hope for the future. While the situation might sometimes seem hopeless, there's usually some way to see it positively. This is true even if you're usually a pessimist.
For instance, say you tried submitting a poem to a writing contest but got a rejection letter. It's totally fine to feel upset; anyone would. But one of the ways to work through that feeling of disappointment is to focus on how the next time might work out better. You can reassure yourself that many great writers received lots of rejections. The next time you submit, your poem might be published or even win an award.
What if you don't naturally have a positive outlook? No worries. Being hopeful can be learned. Just try to practice thinking positively every time you get a chance, even if the setback is tiny or there's almost nothing important on the line.
Make Every Day Matter
Living with purpose is a big deal. If you've got a goal and feel like you're working toward it, you'll have the confidence in yourself to handle the next setback.
We're not talking about changing the world every day or anything. This is about choosing a couple of things you really want to do that day and doing them. If you see yourself do that day after day, you'll know you have what it takes to handle a challenge.
Acknowledge the Loss (and Your Strength)
When something bad happens, it's totally normal to feel upset. Resilience isn't about denying the effect of something in your life; it's about not getting overwhelmed or beaten down.
Say you lost your grandmother and you're really sad about it. Being sad is okay. You're sad because you have so much love for her. Let yourself be upset and take the time you need to grieve. But as you're grieving, be alert to the ways you're strong.
Work on Building Your Resilience Every Chance You Get
Tough times happen in anyone's life, but how you handle them can make a huge difference in your mental health. Practice these tools for building resilience when you have small setbacks so you'll be ready the next time things get really hard. Think of it as a workout to build your inner strength.
