Twenty-nine years ago, I spent a lot of time dreaming about what I was going to name my baby boy. I didn't want to name him something super common, but I also wanted to be mindful of giving him a name he wouldn't have to discuss in therapy 29 years later. We settled on Tanner, a good solid name that, back then, wasn't terribly common.
So I totally get wanting to give your baby a name that's uniquely them. One that has meaning. One that they'll wear proudly for the rest of their lives. But I think the pendulum may have swung a bit too far.
Sure, there are still millions of Olivias and Noahs being born every year. But something else is happening, too. Parents are going perhaps a little too far in coming up with a Youneighque name for their kiddos. And some of these naming trends could have long-term consequences for the babies that have to bear them into adulthood.
Spelling Words Backwards
Okay, I'll be honest. I think Nevaeh is kinda cute. But that's where it ends. Imagine little Llabtaem or Nettim? Or how about Godtoh or Knuh? Sure, you may want to spell something that means a lot to you backward (Maerceci or Azzip, anybody?), but that doesn't mean it's particularly great to saddle your kid with a name that doesn't make a whole lot of sense to anyone else.
Using Eigh All Throughout the Name
Using eigh in names started out kind of cute. Take Ashleigh, for instance. Or Kayleigh. Cute, right?
But it has gotten so out of control that there's even a subreddit called /tragedeigh about this trend. Consider, for example, Greighce, Whitneigh, Juleigha, Tiffaneigh, Teighlor, and so many others. Eighnough is eighnough.
Related: 150+ Unique Girl Names That Are as One-of-a-Kind as Your Little Girl
Names With Super Hard Spelling
I love a classic name like Courtney, but people are getting super wild with the spelling of common names. For instance, I've seen Quartknee, Quartkenigh, Kourtnyeigh, and others.
Look, parents, consider this a public service announcement. In a few years, that precious baby is going to have to learn how to spell that name. And I promise, that's going to be rough. And they're doomed to a lifetime of people giving them the side-eye when they see how their name is spelled, or at least a whole lot of people totally mispronouncing it for all eternity.
Using Way Too Many Ys
As a letter in names, Y is really having a moment. And some of them are pretty cute. But some of them — well, all those Ys are a little much. Names like Knyckolys, Ryver, or Mykynzy. I just have one question. Y?
Turning a Random Word Into a Name
Yep, we're talking about you, little Fartlek. So sorry your parents did that to you.
Turning a Random Thing Into a (Misspelled) Name
Sure, I suppose any noun can be a name, but do we really want a bunch of adults someday running around with names like O'Shinn, Rayzyr, Almynd, Wyckyt, Siannide, or Phelonie? I'm gonna say no, but I'm no visionary.
Random Letter Names
Here are a few random letter baby names I've actually seen: Abcde, Pnlmnop (believe it or not, that's pronounced Penelope) — do babies really need a jumble of seemingly random letters that nobody will ever be able to figure out? Why do that to your child, who will have to spend most of their adulthood discussing it in therapy?
X Æ A-Xii
Okay, so maybe it's not trending, but Elon and Grimes did actually choose this as their child's name. And, that was the improved name after the state of California naming rules forced them to change it from X Æ A-12. (For anyone wondering, it's pronounced X Ash A Twelve.) Here's hoping it doesn't become a trend. And while we're talking about it, let's also not make Exa Dark Sideræl a trend, either.
Impossible-to-Pronounce Names
And speaking of X Æ A-Xii, saddling kids with names that are impossible to pronounce seems to be a growing trend. As someone who has had to stand on a stage and pronounce people's names (hopefully correctly) more than once in my life, I'd like to welcome all of you to my nightmare.
I'm not talking about cultural names like the lovely Gaelic Siobhan (Shivon) or Aioefe (ee-fah), but names that are true head-scratchers due to some parents' creativity.
Here are some hard-to-pronounce names I have actually seen: Sssst (Forest), Airwreckah (Erica), N'ygma (Enigma), and KVIII (Kate). Sure, the parents may be clever. But you can safely assume the rest of the world won't be.
Mashup Names
Sometimes a mashup name works great — like Luann or Rosemarie. But Kimbilly? Geronimaticus? Oh — and one I just saw on Reddit: Mortgage, a mashup of their grandfathers' names, Mortimer and Gage.
Now, to be fair, I understand the urge to honor ancestors with your baby's name. And I also understand that I had it super easy since my son's grandfathers were both named John, so the mashup for his middle name was easy. But can we please stop forcing it? Instead, maybe consider instead two middle names? K. Thanks.
Changing Up a Name or Word by Changing the First Letter
Doesn't sound terrible, right? Guys, gals, and nonbinary pals, I give you Vajesty. Do with that what you will.
A Lifetime on the Lips
I'm all for creativity in naming your baby. But before you saddle your kid with a name that'll be hard to wrangle for the rest of their lives, I implore you to think it through. Will they be able to spell it? Will everyone else? And can people also pronounce it? Does it unintentionally sound like something else that other kids will make fun of?
Sure, maybe I'm not the one to talk about names, since my name is Karen, and we all know what has happened to that name in the past few years. But maybe that gives me a little insight into what your uniquely named kids may go through in the future.
I'm not suggesting we go back to a world filled with kids named John, Jim, Emily, and Hannah. Of course, it's great to add some culture, honor ancestors, and be creative in your naming. I'm just begging you, for your baby's sake, to think it through before you give them the name they'll carry for the rest of their lives.
